Already There

Yosef's traumatic and dramatic rise to power is on full display in this week's parsha. Soaring like a phoenix from the dustbin of the dungeon in which he was detained, his deliverance is done in a flash. Vindicated by his vault from the viscera of the vault to Viceroy, Yosef is charged with guarding the grain for the foreseeable famine.

Tucked amidst the turmoil of Egypt's transition from thriving to thrift, two tribes are born to Yosef and his wife Asenas. The Torah tell us (41:51-52)

Yosef called the name of the first one Menashe (erasing), "Ki Nashani Elohim Es Kol Amali V'Es Kol Beis Avi"-"For Hashem has made me forget all my hardship and all my father's household." And the name of the second he called Ephraim (fruitful), "Ki Hifrani Elohim B'Eretz Anyi"-"Hashem has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering."

Yosef's choice of name for his second-born son is not at all surprising (btw, GREAT NAME!), since it accords acknowledgment to Hashem for blessing Yosef with [tribe-level] sons, even while living amongst the heathens of the evil Egyptian empire. His firstborn son's name, however, causes consternation among the commentators. In the inimitable words of Rav Shamshon Rafael Hirsch

But who would not shudder at reading such a sentence? Yosef gives his firstborn a name signifying that G-d has made him forget his aged father and all his father's family!

Rav Hirsch (along with all the other commentators) seeks to put a positive spin on the name, since it is inconceivable that Yosef would have the "chutzpah" to "commemorate" his forgetting his father through his firstborn's name. He informs us that the root of the word Nashani (Nasha) means "being a creditor", hence it would translate as

G-d has turned my tragedy and my family into my creditors. What until now seemed to me misfortune and abuse, G-d has turned into an instrument to shape my happiness, so that I find myself deeply indebted to my troubles and to my family.

The Alshich HaKadosh advises us that Yosef knew that all his good fortune and promotion had been engineered by Hashem as part of His Divine Plan, and that had he tried to frustrate the plan by contacting his father, he may not have remained the conduit through which our national history would begin (nor would he have thus continued to enjoy the fruitful and spiritual life he had in Egypt). Thus "he called his son Menashe, thanking Hashem who had enabled him to withstand all his trials without requesting help from his father's home" (thus he "forgot/was able to ignore" his father).

Other commentaries offer varying reasons for the name, but most with the same general, positive theme: Yosef was giving his gratitude to Hashem for his current enjoyable and serene setting (albeit it in a veiled way). While we will attempt an alternate answer, we shall keep that common theory as our foundation for explanation as to what it means to "forget one's father's household".

It is interesting to note that while the commentaries all view the source of Menashe's name in a positive light, none of them (at least that I have read) promote the idea that forgetting one's parents' home-in an absolute sense-can be a valuable thing (of course we are not speaking of an abusive setting, which obviously may warrant erasure). Perhaps we can suggest otherwise. Perhaps we can suggest that forgetting one's parents' home is not necessarily a negative thing. Just the opposite, it is something quite wonderful.

If one has had an enjoyable childhood, an upbringing in a nurturing and warm environment, then what is wished for? To duplicate that when we're older; when we have a family of our own. But oftentimes people are left searching for that ideal, and they are disappointed when they cannot reproduce it in adulthood; the golden years of one's youth. They pine for those "good old days" of their childhood home, and therefore they cannot "forget" their parents' home, because they are always comparing their current setting unfavorably with that of their youth.

BUT, when one has a spouse and family who duplicate or surpass the memories of one's childhood, then they "replace" one's parents and family. Contentment and satisfaction with one's current family obviates the need for further comparison in the hopes of reaching that childhood ideal. Thus one "forgets" their parents' home.

That may have been what Yosef was alluding to when he said he forgot his father's household; it was not a rejection of his past but a praise of his present. The passuk informs us that the basis of his firstborn's name was Hashem allowing him to forget his hardships and his father's household; that is not two separate reasons, but rather the cause and effect. It is precisely because Hashem had allowed him to forget all his hardships-and had now blessed him instead with a righteous wife and son-that he was able to "forget" his father's house. He had finally achieved the spiritual ideal of his youth.

And we can bring precedent for such an idea (and hopefully blow your mind in the process). Towards the end of Parshas Chayei Sarah, when Yitzchak meets Rivkah for the first time, the passuk tells us (24:67)

And Yitzchak brought her into the tent [of] Sarah his mother. He married Rivkah, she became his wife, and he loved her; and thus Yitzchak was consoled after his mother.

Rashi, commenting on the peculiar grammar in the passuk, which rightfully requires the underlined words above to be translated as "into the tent, Sarah his mother" tells us

And he brought her "into the tent," and behold, she was "Sarah his mother"; that is to say, then she became the image of Sarah his mother.

In other words, Rivkah had now "replaced" his mother Sarah, and thus he was able to be consoled; he had found the ideal of his childhood home in the form of his wife, allowing him to stop searching for it. And the mind-blowing part (well, ok, because you asked) that connects it to our theory? The very next word following "Yitzchak was consoled after his mother" is: "V'Yosef" "And Yosef"!!! (Admittedly it's the first word of the next passuk, and it is obviously not talking about the person Yosef-rather it is used to mean "and he added"-but hey, that's hard to ignore!).

That may very well explain Yosef's praise of Hashem for allowing him to forget his father's house. Having only the fondest of memories from his youth, ensconced in the spiritual cocoon of Yaakov's home, Yosef could have well despaired of ever finding such an ideal in his exile in Egypt. He could have spent his entire experience "remembering" his home, never allowing for inner peace. But Hashem blessed him, even in exile. Hashem gave him a wife and two sons who were worthy "replacements" (both Ephraim and Menashe reaching the same spiritual level as Yosef's brothers). Thus he could say thank you to Hashem for allowing him to forget his father's house.

But lest we think Yosef had gotten completely caught up in believing this home was a complete replacement of the ultimate home-that with a loving family in the Land of Israel-such was not the case. For it is through his second-born son Ephraim, whose name evokes only positive imagery, that Yosef declares that he is still in "the land of my suffering". He had "forgotten" his home, but he had not forgotten his Home.

And that is something that every parent should wish for their child: that their offspring have great memories of their childhood, and that their adulthood-with their own family-surpasses even that. That they ultimately be like Ephraim and Menashe, able to thrive in the hostile environment of exile, while remembering it is not their final destination. That they be able to forget their home, without forgetting their Home.

That is the lesson we learn from Yosef's choice of names for his two sons. He continually reminded himself he needed to go Home, all the while realizing he was ALREADY THERE!

Good Shabbos and Freilchen Chanukah!

This week's TMOT is dedicated in memory of my Mother, Rus bas Tzvi Noach (HK"M).